I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
