I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
