my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
