the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
