NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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