dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
