Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
