I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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