Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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