Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
