I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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