I should be sponsored by Trojan
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
