you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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