after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
