Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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