so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
