halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
