The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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