im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
