we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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