I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
