I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize