i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
