if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
