So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
