so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
