PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
