The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
