So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize