HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
smell my finger.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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