I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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