i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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