I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
