I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
