If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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