ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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