while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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