I must be too annoying 4 u.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It's shark week go big or go home
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
