There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
In other news, I just burned my penis
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
