So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
