Don't make out with my wife yet
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
