doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
