Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i need an iv and a liver transplant
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
