they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
