No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
