i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
