Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
