what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
