totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
