this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
