you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It's blow job season.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
