so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
