Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
