i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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