My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize