I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Randomize
