I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
