Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
