I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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