I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
