it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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