What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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