whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
