i'm lost and i look like a hooker
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
