If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i think my cat just said my name.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
