walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
