you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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