Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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