Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Ladies don't puke and tell
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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