i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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