i just google imaged poop.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
