How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
