did you get engaged???
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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