as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
