last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
