I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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