Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
What drink are we having for lunch?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
