I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
