Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
