filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
