I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Randomize
