it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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