i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
