apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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