I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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