i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
