I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
