There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
