My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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